I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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