i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
