what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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