Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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