She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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