So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
