her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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