this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
