They should really pass out barf bags in church
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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