Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
