lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
