i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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