I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
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Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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