It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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