there's paper in my vomit.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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