Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
