I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize