He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
