FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
