He uses pillows to masturbate.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think a kid would responsible me up
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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