Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
