90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
