so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
