You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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