He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
