he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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