He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
