I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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