That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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