As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
