So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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