We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
