So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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