I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
