I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
