It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
