he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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