it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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