I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
