my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
