Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
