i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
