You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
