so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ladies don't puke and tell
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
