There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
