No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
please come you make the beer taste better
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
