I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
