i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
