I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
