pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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