well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
