wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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