3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
