Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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