guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
