I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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