walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
