my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
