The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
