Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize