peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
