oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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