Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
