Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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