you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
