My sheets look like a crime scene.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
