but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
