people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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