Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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